


Something of the Body

by Worker_9



Category: Monkey Island
Genre: Bodily Fluids, Cunnilingus, Disks 5 to 114 were real, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Multi, Older Woman/Younger Man, Pubic Hair, Scent Kink, Urination, Vaginal Sex, Voodoo, Watersports, erectile disfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:47:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22578061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worker_9/pseuds/Worker_9
Summary: Defeating LeChuck should have brought fame and fortune, so why was he working merchant ships? It was a demeaning job for a pirate. Guybrush Threepwood was in need of some powerful voodoo to turn his life around.Set one year before the events of Monkey Island 2.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Guybrush Threepwood, Original Female Character/Voodoo Lady/Guybrush Threepwood, Voodoo Lady/Guybrush Threepwood
Kudos: 4





	1. Treasure Hunt

Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate! Guybrush Threepwood, slayer of the ghost pirate LeChuck! He’d succeeded beyond his wildest dreams, so where was the treasure? Where were the hordes of admirers crowding round for their chance to buy him a grog? And most importantly, where were the wenches?

In the case of Elaine, the question was not rhetorical. Elaine was obviously infatuated with him. Last they’d met, she’d let him talk for nearly two minutes before the shouting started. If only he knew where she was—if he could track her down once more, he’d surely convince her what a terrible mistake she was making, and then they’d be _doing it_ for sure. But now that he was employed, Guybrush didn’t have much time for legally-speaking-not-actually-stalking.

Employment wasn’t so bad. In fact, as he stood leaning on the gunwale and watching the calm Caribbean sea, it was almost peaceful. He would just space out for a while, and he’d arrive at Mêlée Island before he knew it. The water lapped gently against the hull, the rigging softly creaked, and Guybrush nearly jumped out of his skin when the bosun rudely interrupted him.

“FREAKWOOD! Why aren’t you wearing your harness?”

“Yipes!” He was running out of excuses. “I thought I saw a shark, uh, sir. A three-headed shark, sir! A ferocious three-headed shark with big sharp teeth!”

“There’s no such thing as a three-headed shark, Freakwood. Now strap yourself in and get back overboard. Those barnacles aren’t going to scrub themselves.”

As they lowered him over the side, Guybrush wished he’d kept quiet about how long he could hold his breath.

He had to stay positive. The bright side of dangling from a rope underwater was that it gave you plenty of time to think. And there was one loose end, one persistent thought that he picked at like a scab in his mind. The “Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island” was some cheap crap the Chamber of Commerce used to fob off the tourists, but what about the real thing? He’d searched nearly the entire forest. _Nearly_ the entire forest. There was one place he hadn’t explored.

By the time they’d made it to port, Guybrush’s decision was firm. No more boring cargo runs. No more humiliating cleaning duties. Definitely no more fleeing in terror at the sight of a Jolly Roger. The “mighty pirate” thing was on hold, but only because Guybrush Threepwood was now a mighty treasure hunter.

* * * * *

Guybrush gripped the sides of the porcelain toilet and vomited. Grog. Never again. Cold sweat beaded on his skin. This was no way to be a treasure hunter.

Slowly, he began to piece together his memories of what had happened. The root cause of it all was that damned tree stump. What was the point of a hidden cave without treasure? A cave so big, so full of twisty little passages, it just had to be important, right? There was months worth of mystery down there.

Which meant he’d needed a room, and with his cash rapidly depleting he’d needed a job. Considering his past experience, the Fettucini brothers had been happy to offer him one. When he hadn’t been performing he’d been exploring, searching under the tree stump for the legendary treasure. 

He’d paid no attention to the whispers and laughter behind his back. How was he supposed to know that the whole thing had been explored years ago? That spooky-looking crypt near the entrance could easily have been a natural rock formation.

The disappointment had been almost too much to bear. Once again he’d found himself inside the SCUMM bar. “Drink like a man,” they’d said. “Certified fit for human consumption,” they’d said. The rest was uncertain. He distinctly remembered swinging from the anchor that hung from the ceiling. One thing was sure: he was no treasure hunter. He was a clown.

Guybrush dragged himself off the floor and poured himself a glass of water. He chugged it down, stomach protesting, but managed to keep it there. He’d get dressed, go outside, pull himself together. Today was the day he’d get his life back on track. Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate! That was how it was always supposed to be. He’d take one last look at the cave, and then he’d head for the docks.

* * * * *

By the time Guybrush had climbed out of the tree stump it was already dark. The SCUMM bar was calling him, but he reached into his empty pockets, and remembered that mighty pirates, or even mighty ordinary seamen, didn’t beg for free drinks. To the docks it was. Somebody had to be hiring.

He knew the forest paths well, even at night. He knew the way out. But something caught his eye—a sparkling glimmer in his peripheral vision. Fireflies. Why were they all flying down that one path? He followed, and the fireflies scattered. The path looked very familiar.

Guybrush was a good way down the path before he remembered. The Sword Master’s house! His crew member from the voyage to Monkey Island. How was Carla doing these days? He was already most of the way there, so he might as well check up on her. He crossed the low bridge over the stream, and there she was, standing outside her house in her green dress. Guybrush walked confidently toward her.

“My name is Guybrush Threepwood… Wait, you’re not the Sword Master.”

“Of course I’m the Sword Master,” said the woman, who didn’t sound like Carla either.

“I clearly remember her mutinous face. Where is Carla, and why are you wearing her dress?”

“You mean my Sword Master’s uniform?”

“Uniform!? This is your _job_?”

“I’ve been working here a while. An old friend of mine sent me a letter saying Mêlée Island’s Sword Master had mysteriously vanished and they still didn’t have a replacement. I’m good with a sword, so I thought why not apply? I chartered a ship, and here I am.” She twirled her sword, spinning the guard around her fingers. “It’s a cushy government job. Easy money. Free accommodation. The only drawback is the boredom.”

Mysteriously vanished? Guybrush had the uncomfortable feeling that he was forgetting something. But no, he didn’t recall having any memory problems. It couldn’t be anything important.

This new Sword Master had similar skin tone to Carla, and wore the same green dress and black leggings, but she had shorter hair, trimmed into a neat afro. She wore no makeup or jewelry, and seemed a little older. She had a friendly face, which immediately made Guybrush suspicious. Perhaps she wasn’t a real Sword Master after all. There was one sure way to find out.

“I need to fight you,” said Guybrush impulsively.

“Great! I’m bored out of my mind standing here. Let’s do it.”

Putting his misgivings aside, Guybrush drew his sword and took a fighting stance. He waited for her first insult.

* * * * *

“How appropriate. You fight like a cow!” Guybrush lunged forward triumphantly, sending the sword flying from the new Sword Master’s hand.

“I can’t believe it,” she said, shaking her head. “You actually used that old insult right.”

“That’s what you can expect from a mighty pirate,” said Guybrush. “Where’s my prize?” He could always use another free T-shirt.

“One prize per person, and you’ve obviously done this before.”

All very well for you to say that, thought Guybrush, but I’m pretty sure my win was a fluke. He’d picked insults at random. None of the new Sword Master’s insults matched the ones he knew, and his win had been 100% luck. Then, a terrible feeling of loss dawned on him. Were those new insults, those words now fading so rapidly from his memory, the real prize? If only he’d paid more attention.

“If there’s no prize, then teach me more insults,” said Guybrush, in a last ditch attempt to salvage something from his increasingly hollow victory.

“You know enough already,” said the Sword Master.

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Sally,” said the Sword Master. “And you already told me yours. Threepbrush Guywood.”

“Guybrush Threepwood!”

“Close enough.”

“If you won’t teach me more insults, at least tell me how you got to be so good. Tell me how you qualified for the job. Tell me how I can be a legendary pirate like you!”

Sally smiled at him. “ ‘Legendary pirate.’ I don’t think anybody’s called me that before. Here’s a lesson for you: insults have their place, but sometimes flattery works better.” She opened the door. “Come inside. I’ll tell you all about my adventures.”

* * * * *

Sally paused for a moment to sip her dark rum and root beer, then leaned forward in her armchair. “I had the golden monkey’s paw in my pocket, and a horde of angry archaeologists on my tail, and I’d reached a dead end. So I drew my sword, and they drew theirs, and I said ‘There are no clever moves that can help you now.’ You could see it rattled them. It looked hopeless for me, but just as I’d anticipated, one of the them twirled his sword. It wasn’t a clever move, because it gave me the opening I needed to dash past him. I sprinted like the devil was behind me, and lost them in a crowded marketplace. Slipped the hangman’s noose once more, and all because of the right words.”

“Wow, Sally, that’s cool,” said Guybrush. He finished his own drink, and put the empty glass on the table. “I’ve got to learn that one. Quick of wit and sharp of tongue, that’ll be me. Or was it sharp of wit and quick of tongue?”

“It’s not so much the speed as how you use it,” said Sally.

“I’ll be the best at using it!” said Guybrush.

Sally covered her mouth with her hand and stifled a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” asked Guybrush.

“Oh, nothing,” said Sally. “I’m sure that your future girlfriend will be most appreciative.”

“How do you know I don’t have a girlfriend?” asked Guybrush. Was that an insult? He didn’t have a comeback, so he hoped it wasn’t.

“Somebody as clueless as you?” laughed Sally.

“I am rubber, you are glue! It works better if it rhymes, right?”

“Not on land, it doesn’t. And it wasn’t an insult anyway. A real insult would suggest you’d never even get a girlfriend. But cluelessness aside, you’re not bad looking. I’m sure you’ll make some girl very happy some day.”

“Why are we even talking about girlfriends?”

“I’m just saying,” said Sally, struggling to keep a straight face, “that it doesn’t matter if your sword is small, or if it doesn’t hold a hard edge, so long as you’re good with your mouth.”

“So teach me how to be good with my mouth!” said Guybrush.

Sally didn’t even try to hide her laughter this time. “You want a practical lesson?”

“Yes!”

Sally got up from her chair, and walked over to Guybrush. She leaned into him, draping an arm over his shoulder. “Guybrush,” she said, “I can’t tell if you’re real stupid, or real smart. But I can tell you this: it’s been far too long since I last had sex. If you’re so keen on going down on me, you’d better come to my bedroom right away.”

Oh. It all fell into place. Guybrush felt painfully stupid. If he could make that kind of mistake then perhaps all his successes had been flukes.

“Guybrush?” Sally’s voice cut through the silence. “You want to do it or not?”

The sound of her voice turned the embarrassment of failure into an exhilarating mental clarity. A woman actually asking him for oral sex? Not his plan, but once again, he’d somehow won by accident. “I’d love too,” said Guybrush. He turned toward her, gazing into her beautiful brown eyes. “Teach me, Sally.”

Sally took him by the hand and led him though the old house to her bedroom. She shut the door behind them and sat on the bed, kicking off her boots. She put an arm around Guybrush as he sat next to her.

“So, Guybrush, you’ve never eaten pussy before?”

“No,” he reluctantly admitted.

“Don’t you worry. It’s easy enough. The most important thing to remember is that enthusiasm covers for a multitude of sins. You don’t need perfect technique if you lick that pussy like it’s the most delicious thing in the world. Even if she doesn’t smell so fresh, you get your face right in there and show her how much you love it.

“Okay,” said Guybrush nervously.

“Hey, relax,” said Sally, gently rubbing his shoulder. “That’s the second most important point. It’s not a fight or a contest, and you win just by playing. Take it easy and enjoy yourself. There’s nothing to worry about. You have fun and I’ll have fun. Chances are you really will love it—lots of guys do. Besides, I took a bath only yesterday.”

Guybrush didn’t doubt her, but he could still smell Sally’s body odor. It wasn’t particularly strong, but with her sitting so close to him in her sleeveless dress, the scent of her sweaty armpits couldn’t fail to reach his nose. To Guybrush’s surprise, he found himself enjoying it. The idea of licking Sally’s pussy was immensely appealing.

“Let’s do it,” he said, all hesitation gone.

“Take your shirt off,” said Sally cheerfully. “That’s not part of the lesson, I just think it’s hot.”

Guybrush unbuttoned his shirt, and watched Sally undress too. He saw dark stubble growing from her armpits when she reached behind her neck to unfasten her dress. She stepped out of the dress, then pulled down her leggings. Her underwear was plain white, an eye-catching contrast against her brown skin. The bra covered her breasts, but the panties didn’t fully hide her pubic hair. Keeping the bra on, she pulled her panties down, giving Guybrush a full view of her thick curly bush. She sat on the edge of the bed, knees apart.

“Kneel on the floor, Guybrush,” said Sally, pointing between her legs. He didn’t need any encouragement. Sally’s first lesson at the forefront of his mind, he dove right in, bringing his face to her pussy. The smell was stronger than he’d been expecting, but the surprise was a pleasant one. There’d be no need for acting; Sally’s pussy smelled delicious. He could feel himself getting hard already.

“Wait a moment,” said Sally. Guybrush looked up at her. “I said technique isn’t the _most _important but that doesn’t mean it’s unimportant.” She reached down to brush her pubes aside and spread her dark pussy lips. “Just how well do you know your away around down here?”__

____

____

“I’ve seen pictures,” said Guybrush.

“So you know where the clitoris is?”

“Yes.” It all looked more or less how he remembered it from the diagram.

“It’s not just the part you can see. Put a finger inside me, palm facing up.” Guybrush obeyed. “If you kind of hook your finger toward yourself, you can rub it from the inside. At least that’s what they say. I never saw the appeal myself, but some girls go crazy for it, so I can’t leave it out of the lesson. Anyway, you can take your finger out.”

He did so, and touched it to the tip of his thumb, feeling a light stickiness.

“I’ll get a lot wetter than that if you do it right,” said Sally. “That reminds me. I’d better put a towel down. Hold on a second.”

After that brief interruption, Guybrush was back in position between her legs, Sally now sitting on a fluffy green towel. “Anyway,” she continued, “the clit is the star of the show. Giving good head is mostly about stimulating the clit, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you charge straight in and start licking it right away. Some girls are too sensitive for any direct stimulation there at all. That’s the third most important point: communication. You have to find out what she likes, because no two girls are identical.”

“What do you like?” asked Guybrush.

“I’m not the sensitive type. I like getting my clit licked hard, but I like some build up to it. Anticipation, you know. Lick around the clitoral hood. Getting my labia sucked is nice too. That’s a good place to start. I’m not so keen on you pressing your tongue into my vagina like you’re trying to fuck me with it, but just licking around the opening feels good. Improvise and I’ll try to tell you what’s working.”

“Got it,” said Guybrush. The sight and scent of Sally’s pussy so close to him was drawing his attention like a magnet, but this time he wasn’t going to miss a word she said.

“Okay, last important point. Female orgasm isn’t so simple as male. You can just grab your dick and get yourself off in a minute or two, right? We don’t have it so easy. A lot of girls never cum from penetration—I know I don’t. Oral is more reliable, but some girls don’t cum from that either. It’s no big deal. Don’t think of orgasm as some goal you’ve got to chase. If you’re both having fun then it doesn’t matter how it ends. But that said, I think a lot of girls who don’t cum from oral just haven’t had good oral. More often than not, the missing ingredient is patience. It can take a long time, and if you stop for a break it can put you back to square one. You’ve got to be persistent. If your tongue’s getting tired then use your lips. If your jaw’s getting tired you use your neck. Some girls can even need an hour or more, and most guys will give up before then. But if you stick at it for as long as it takes then she’s going to love you. A healthy young man like you should have plenty of endurance. Once you start licking pussy you don’t stop until she’s satisfied.”

“I won’t,” said Guybrush.

“And that concludes the theory. Show me what you’ve learned.”

Feeling a little nervous, Guybrush reached up to brush aside Sally’s pubes. Her lesson was a lot to take in, and he didn’t want to disappoint her. He felt her hands on his shoulders as she smiled down at him, gently rubbing his tense muscles. “Guybrush,” she said, “relax. You’re going to do just fine.”

Guybrush put his hands on Sally’s hips, and leaned in, touching his tongue to her pussy. Up close, the smell was even better than before: a thick, sweaty odor that made his cock twitch with arousal. He gave an experimental lick, sliding his tongue over Sally’s long pussy lips. Her pubic hair tickled his nose, but it didn’t bother him at all. He explored her with his tongue, tasting the salty moisture around her opening.

“Use your lips too,” called down Sally.

Remembering what she’d told him, Guybrush gently sucked on her inner labia, feeling the wrinkled texture on his tongue. He moved from side to side, not yet touching her clit. Guybrush could hold his breath for ten whole minutes, but with the way Sally smelled, that was the last thing he wanted to do. He inhaled deeply, letting her erotic scent fill his nostrils. It took all his willpower to keep his hand out of his pants. Get himself off in a minute or two? The way he was feeling now, it would be more like a few seconds.

Guybrush kept licking, doing his best to repay Sally’s faith in him. Whether her optimism was misplaced or not, at least he was enjoying himself. Damn, her pussy was delicious. He could only hope that Sally was having a good time too. She’d said communicate, but how was he supposed to ask for feedback without stopping?

Sally bypassed the contradiction by providing feedback unprompted. “Ah, Guybrush, that’s nice…” Feeling much relieved, he continued licking. Sally’s pussy was noticeably wet by now, which was further confirmation that he was doing it right. “Mmm, Guybrush, keep it up,” said Sally. “You’re doing great. Lick around my clit a little.”

He moved up, swirling his tongue over her clitoral hood. “Keep your tongue relaxed,” said Sally, as she gently massaged Guybrush’s shoulders. He followed her instructions, licking up and down the side of her clit. He could feel moisture spreading over his chin.

Guybrush slipped his tongue down between Sally’s pussy lips to lick up the sticky fluids, then brushed his tongue against the tip of her clit as he moved back up, hearing a sharp intake of breath from her as he did so.

“Ah, Guybrush, harder now,” instructed Sally, shifting her position on the bed. He ran his tongue firmly over her clit, ignoring the moisture dripping down his face. “Wrap your lips around it,” she said.

Guybrush gently sucked on Sally’s clit while he rhythmically worked his tongue up and down. She moaned appreciatively, digging her fingers into his shoulders. With his nose buried deep in her bush, he held his position while he repeatedly licked her. “Oh, yeah, that’s it,” gasped Sally.

The growing discomfort in Guybrush’s tongue brought another contradiction to mind. ‘Take it easy,’ but at the same time ‘don’t stop’? This one was much easier to resolve: a mighty pirate wouldn’t complain about a little tiredness. No, he’d increase the pace. Hadn’t Sally said she liked it hard? She squirmed on the bed, thigh muscles tensing, and moaned softly in response.

Guybrush pressed his nose against her skin while he licked. By now it didn’t really matter if he could breathe or not; so much of Sally’s scent was in his nostrils that he couldn’t possible avoid it. It turned him on enough that he felt like he’d cum at the slightest touch. And it wouldn’t be ten minutes, that much was obvious. Sally wasn’t saying anything coherent, but she was making plenty of noise.

Her enthusiastic moans brought new energy to his exhausted tongue, and Guybrush pushed on, licking like his life depended on it. The bed shook, and a flood of juices gushed over his face, and Sally gasped loudly as she pushed him away. Guybrush looked up to see her lying flat on her back, breathing heavily.

He stood up, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. Sally opened her eyes and smiled at him.

“How was that?” asked Guybrush.

Her chest still heaving, she said nothing, and gave him a thumbs up.

Guybrush smiled back at her. “Thanks for teaching me, Sally,” he said, and, ever hopeful, “If you want to give me some more lessons…”

Sally sat upright, and said, “Wipe your mouth on the towel.” Guybrush did so. “Come on up here,” she continued. Guybrush climbed onto the bed and sat next to Sally, who put an arm around him, and started rubbing his thigh with the other hand. “You’re not bad for a beginner. Give it a few thousand more tries and you’ll get really good at it.”

That kind of backhanded compliment was bordering on insult, but even Guybrush had the good sense to keep quiet.

“Guybrush,” said Sally, “you’re a virgin, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I feel like taking your virginity. Get undressed.” Just licking her pussy had felt like exceptionally good luck, and now this? Guybrush began hurriedly removing the rest of his clothes. “I’m keeping my bra on because I’ve got a mojo bag hidden inside it. Voodoo magic, you know? That friend of mine makes them. It has the usual powers of preventing disease, and preventing menstruation—pretty much every woman in the piracy business has one like that—but mine is special. Among other powers, it also works as a contraceptive. You can cum inside me if you like.”

Guybrush was still feeling tense, but with the scent of Sally’s pussy lingering on his face, his cock was hard. He finished undressing, and climbed onto the bed, where Sally was lying with legs spread ready for him. “Just enjoy yourself, okay? Like I said I don’t cum from penetration, and you’ve already done your part. It doesn’t matter how long you last.”

Guybrush lowered himself over her, guiding the tip of his cock to her pussy. His heart raced when he felt the warm wetness of it touching. “Put it in,” said Sally.

He pushed forward, but it didn’t go in. It was bending, slipping out of place. Guybrush looked down with horror at his rapidly deflating erection. He breathed in deeply, hoping the arousing smell would be enough to save him. No such luck. He was completely soft.

“Uh, I’m…”

Sally took his hand. “Guybrush, don’t worry about it. It’s not uncommon. How about I give you a blowjob and see if that helps?”

Sally took her turn kneeling on the floor, wet tongue moving skillfully over Guybrush’s flaccid penis. It did feel good, but he remained soft. “Sorry, Sally,” said Guybrush. “I don’t think it’s working.”

She stopped and looked up at him. “The rules of oral sex are pretty much the same when you’re sucking dick. Patience, remember.”

“That’s kind of you, but I don’t think it will help.”

She got back on the bed and hugged him. “Guybrush, how about you see my voodoo friend? She’s got magic that can help.”

“Who’s that?”

“She’s secretive about her name—says the mystery is good for business. Just call her ‘Voodoo Lady’ and she’ll be happy. And tell her I sent you and she’ll give you a good deal. She’s got a shop in the middle of the village. It’ll be closed at this hour, but I’ll give you directions. You can see her tomorrow.”

“So I just ask for…”

“Oh, there’s no need to be embarrassed. I guarantee you’re not the first customer for, let’s call it ‘male enhancement.’ She and I go way back, and some of the stories she’s told me… Let’s just say somebody like you isn’t going to shock somebody as dirty minded as her. Hell, you can tell her exactly why you want the magic. Tell her all the juicy details and she’ll probably let you have it for free. She’ll only be calling on me asking if you don’t tell her.”

“Thanks, Sally. I do want to lose my virginity, and you’re so nice to me. I’d like to do it with you.”

“Flirt with the Voodoo Lady and she might take it first,” laughed Sally. “I don’t think she’s gotten laid for a very long time. Ooh, she’s going to be jealous when she hears I got oral.”

“I really enjoyed it!” said Guybrush. “Say, Sally, may I lick your pussy again?”

“Of course, Guybrush! You lick my pussy as much as you like. You’re always welcome round here. Let’s swap places.”

While Guybrush lowered his face back down toward Sally’s crotch, he heard her muttering softly to herself, “that’s one hell of a good luck charm.”

Yeah, thought Guybrush, as he began to lick. And I’m the lucky one.


	2. Voodoo Magic

Guybrush stepped into the International House of Mojo. The shop was dark, and full of strange things. There were jars of mysterious animal parts, dead chickens hanging from the ceiling, even a human skeleton that looked very real indeed. The air smelled of smoke and spices. He crossed the floor, examining everything he saw. It all looked very familiar. He’d gotten half way across before he noticed the Voodoo Lady.

She was sitting there silently in her carved stone chair, a cauldron of evil-looking green liquid bubbling on the floor before her. The Voodoo Lady was a middle-aged black woman, wearing a sleeveless green dress, a purple hat, and pearls around her neck, wrists, and ankles. She wasn’t the fattest person Guybrush had ever seen, but she was far from slim. Her breasts were especially large. She had bare feet, and she sat with one foot resting on her thigh, giving him a surprisingly revealing view of her chunky legs.

“What may I help you with, young man?” asked the Voodoo Lady, her voice clear and steady.

No need to be embarrassed, Sally had said. “I’m, uh, I’m here to, I mean, my name is—”

“Wait,” interrupted the Voodoo Lady. “Guybrush Reapmood, is it not?”

“It’s—”

“Wait! Your name is… Guybrush Threepwood.”

“How did you know?” asked Guybrush. Had Sally told her already?

“I know many things,” said the Voodoo Lady. “I can see your future. I am getting a vision…”

There were bright flashes of light, and the boiling cauldron raised up from the floor. It was carved in the shape of a skull, eyes glowing red. Creepy as it was, Guybrush was a mighty pirate, or at least very nearly a mighty pirate, so he didn’t show fear.

The Voodoo Lady waved her hands in the air. “I see you—” She put her arms down and smiled. “I most certainly didn’t expect to see that. My visions are full of surprises.”

“What did you see?” asked Guybrush impatiently.

“Merely a possible future. First, tell me what you seek from me.”

“Well… I met this woman called Sally, and she said I should visit you…”

“She said that, did she?” The Voodoo Lady chuckled, looking very amused for a moment, then drew herself up in her chair and looked at him severely. “Why?”

He’d just come right out and say it. Sally had said it was okay, and he didn’t really have any other option. Guybrush took a deep breath. “So, we were going to have sex, except I couldn’t get it up. She says you have voodoo spells for that.”

“Ah. Boner magic,” said the Voodoo Lady solemnly. “It is a simple matter.”

“I don’t think there’s anything seriously wrong with it. I’m hard all the time while I’m giving her oral, but as soon as I try to put it in it goes soft.”

The Voodoo Lady smiled again. “You enjoy licking pussy, do you?”

“I love it!” blurted out Guybrush.

“I can see that. Or, should I say, I can _see_ that.”

The vision? She’d said she could see his future. “You saw me and Sally doing it again?”

“No, Guybrush, that is not what I saw. That would be something expected. What I saw was a very pleasant surprise, and all more surprising to somebody in my line of work.”

Did she really mean… Although he hadn’t noticed her moving it, the Voodoo Lady’s dress was a good way higher up her legs than before. Those legs were kind of fat, but between them she still had…

“It’s fate, is it?” asked Guybrush.

“What is fate?” asked the Voodoo Lady. “Was it fate that you met Sally? There are powerful forces at work beyond the world of mortals, and yet you made the decision to talk to her, did you not?”

“That’s true.”

The Voodoo Lady just stared at him, that creepy smile still on her face. It was hard to keep his eyes off her legs. Her thick thighs faded into darkness just before the view got interesting. She had to know he was staring.

Sally had said something about flirting. He knew by now that he’d flirted with Sally entirely by accident, but this time he couldn’t rely on luck. If he wanted a taste of the Voodoo Lady’s pussy he’d have to take decisive action. It was no time for insults. Flattery—Sally had said something about that too. Guybrush stood up straight, looked the Voodoo Lady in the eye, and addressed her confidently. “Miss Voodoo Lady, ma’am, you don’t look a day over thirty,” he lied.

She threw back her head and laughed; deep, full laughter that set her enormous breasts bouncing hypnotically. “Guybrush,” she said, “you are not so smooth-tongued as you think you are.”

“Uh, I mean, gee…”

“It’s kind of cute.”

What was the point in learning all those responses if you could never be sure when something was an insult? Still, it was too late to back out now. “Voodoo Lady, I hope you won’t get mad if I say this, but about that vision…” He trailed off, unable to bring himself to say it.

“What about it, young man?”

“I was thinking, uh, seeing as it’s my future and all, and maybe it’s fate or something, wouldn’t it be a good idea to make it real?”

“Make what real?” That smug look told Guybrush that she was having entirely too much fun. Was she really going to make him say it? The seconds dragged on, and it became clear that she was.

“Miss Voodoo Lady,” said Guybrush, “please, let me give you oral sex.”

She laughed again. “You’re cute, Guybrush. I like you. Must be some of Sally’s luck rubbing off on me. If you like eating pussy so much, I’d be more than happy to oblige.”

“Gee, thank you, ma’am,” said Guybrush. “I’ve got a question though. What did you mean by ‘your line of work’?”

“How much do you know about voodoo?”

“Not a lot. It’s powerful magic, but I’ve never tried it myself.”

“Do you know any of the things used in voodoo charms?”

“Uh, wing of bat? Bone of cat?”

“Both are used, yes. But there is something more often used: bodily fluids. The most important are blood, piss, and pussy juices. What do you think will happen to you if you swallow my pussy juices?”

“…I don’t know.”

“I’ll tell you now: nothing bad will happen. The future that so worries people is only a possibility, a potential future in the sea of unformed outcomes. Yet I cannot deny that the possibility is there. If you swallow my pussy juices you give me power over you. You must trust me not to abuse it.”

“But couldn’t you do some voodoo curse on me anyway?”

The Voodoo Lady laughed again. “Yes, that I could. Don’t you worry about it, Guybrush. I like you. I’ll do you no harm.”

“Great!” said Guybrush. “Let’s get started.”

“I suppose I’d better go take a bath,” said the Voodoo Lady, hefting her substantial bulk from the chair. “I’ll close up shop, and see you in half an hour.” She headed for the door.

“You don’t need to take a bath if you don’t want to,” said Guybrush. “Actually, to be honest, I’d rather you didn’t. Sally didn’t.”

The Voodoo Lady turned and looked at him strangely. “Guybrush,” she said, “maybe that is your future. I’ve heard stranger things. Or maybe you are making a big mistake.” She raised one arm above her head. “Smell my armpit.”

Guybrush hesitated for a second, wondering if she was right. The bubbling green liquid in the cauldron filled the air with a strange, incense-like aroma, so without getting close he’d never know for sure. He leaned in, touching his nose to the damp flesh of the Voodoo Lady’s underarm, and inhaled. The smell was shockingly potent. It was, more or less, the same sweaty scent he’d smelled on Sally, but amplified to a level far beyond hers. It seemed to stick to the inside of his nose.

The effect it had on his body removed any remaining doubts. He dick was stiffening in record time. Guybrush inhaled again, taking in more of the Voodoo Lady’s strong body odor. Maybe he didn’t need boner magic after all. Sally just needed to skip some baths. The Voodoo Lady pulled away before he did, lowering her arm.

“I don’t think I’m making a mistake,” said Guybrush.

“I shave my armpits,” said the Voodoo Lady, “but I don’t shave my snatch. And I last bathed, hmm… six days ago.”

“That’s incredibly hot,” said Guybrush earnestly. “I’m really looking forward to going down on you now.”

The Voodoo Lady opened the shop door, and a gust of fresh air blew in, dispersing the incense haze. She hung a “Closed” sign on the outside before locking it shut. “Guybrush,” she said, “sit down.” She pointed to the old red couch next to the skeleton.

Guybrush sat down, and the Voodoo Lady joined him by his side. She put an arm around his shoulders. Her body odor was very obvious now, although her breath was fresh. That was something of a relief. Even if dirty women turned him on, he still had standards.

“There is one more thing I must discuss with you,” said the Voodoo Lady. “How often do you think women pee outdoors?”

“Uh, it must be rare. I’ve never seen it before.”

“You’d be surprised, Guybrush, you’d be surprised. I’ll tell you about the first time I went drinking with Sally. The bathroom was nasty there, so we went outside to pee. Nothing I hadn’t done countless times before. Sally finished first. When she was done, she got out a pack of tissues and wiped herself, and then did something shocking.”

“What was that?” asked Guybrush.

“Dropped the dirty tissue on the ground.”

“You’re shocked by littering?! That’s hardly a real crime. You can’t even get hanged for it. I’m going to be a mighty pirate, and then I’ll do way bigger crimes than that. I’ll do so many crimes you’ll never believe it,” said Guybrush proudly.

“Not the littering. Remember what I said about bodily fluids? I was shocked that she’d leave a nicely packaged sample of piss, just waiting for somebody to pick up. Somebody who might use it to curse her.”

“But didn’t you leave your own piss there too?”

“Piss doesn’t work like that. It’s no good for curses once it hits the ground. If you’re not using it directly you need to collect it in something.”

“So you didn’t wipe yourself?”

“Hell no. I’m not carrying dirty piss-wipes with me. I did what I always did, which was let it drip. Not for long mind you, because the sheriff back then didn’t like public urination, and I wasn’t about to get busted. Couldn’t hang about squatting over the evidence. No, like always, I just pissed and left, and didn’t worry if my snatch was a little damp. But the irony is Sally was right all along. A tissue is no good for collecting bodily fluids. No magic potential, you see. But it was a convenient habit, so I saw no reason to change. I still don’t wipe after I piss.”

“Not even when you use a toilet?”

The Voodoo Lady pulled Guybrush closer. “That’s different. But I’ll tell you a secret. Even if that bathroom had been spotless, I’d have talked Sally into pissing in the street with me. I love pissing outdoors. I do it every chance I get.”

The Voodoo Lady’s story had been surprising, but not as surprising to Guybrush as his own reaction. Had she noticed his erection? Could she read his thoughts? With voodoo, anything was possible. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“So, Guybrush, I can go take a bath, and come back clean and fresh. Or we can go into the back room right now, and you can lick the nastiest pussy you’ve ever tasted. Hairy, unwashed, and stinking of piss. Which will it be?”

He couldn’t deny the possibility that he was thinking with his dick. The Voodoo Lady had left him an escape route, and after all that she’d said, letting her take a bath would be entirely normal. Just the smell of her armpits was intense enough, so did he really want to go down on her now? Undeniably yes, but…

It was his unusual talent that confirmed his decision. The worst case really wasn’t so bad, because he could always hold his breath. Even if the Voodoo Lady took a whole hour hour to cum, that was only six unavoidable breaths of pussy odor. Or was it five? It didn’t matter. He couldn’t miss the opportunity.

“Miss Voodoo Lady,” said Guybrush, “You smell so good, I’d like to lick you right now.”

She chuckled softly, her fat jiggling against Guybrush’s body. “I like you, Guybrush. I like you a lot. By all means, lick my dirty pussy. I foresee I will have a good time. As for you, well, you’ve made your choice… Come with me.”

The Voodoo Lady took Guybrush by the hand and lead him through a curtain of beads into a small office, where a padded armchair sat on a thick rug. Standing in front of the chair, she put a hand up her dress to pull down her underwear: a voluminous pair of white cotton panties. She dropped them on the rug, then hitched her dress up to show Guybrush her pussy.

If Guybrush looked at it objectively, the Voodoo Lady probably had more pubic hair than Sally, but it grew over a larger area, so it wasn’t so thick. Her belly hung down in a fold of fat, but not so far as to obscure her pussy. She climbed into the chair, spread her legs, and hooked them over the arms of the chair. Her clitoris was smaller than Sally’s, and her inner labia not so long, but the view was every bit as appealing.

Without hesitation, Guybrush knelt before her and lowered his head. The smell hit him like a punch to the face. The Voodoo Lady had not been exaggerating. First came the pungent reek of stale urine, sharp and penetrating, stronger than any back alley where drunken sailors had relieved themselves. Under different circumstances he might have found it disgusting, but here it was unbelievably arousing. A thick, sweaty undertone of unwashed pussy odor added to the dirty smell, similar to Sally’s pussy, but so intense that he almost felt dizzy. Guybrush touched his nose to the Voodoo Lady’s pussy lips and breathed, inhaling the overwhelmingly powerful smell.

He extended his tongue and tasted her. There was that salty-sour taste he had enjoyed so much on Sally, but stronger, especially when he licked between her pussy lips and sucked up the sticky mucus that was already oozing from her vagina. What were Sally’s oral sex lessons again? The smell was making it hard for him to remember.

Enthusiasm, that was it. It wasn’t like he needed Sally’s advice for that. The Voodoo Lady’s unwashed pussy was making his cock feel like a loaded cannon. Guybrush sank his fingers into her fat thighs and slurped his tongue over her dirty pussy lips.

Communication, too, but it was too late to ask what she liked now. He’d been so eager to taste her that he’d completely forgotten, and the Voodoo Lady wasn’t saying anything. But if she’d foreseen a good time, didn’t that mean he would inevitably get it right? Confident that giving good oral was his fate, Guybrush ran his tongue over the Voodoo Lady’s clitoral hood just as he had with Sally.

She didn’t have any complaints. Guybrush kept licking, feeling her coarse pubic hair against his skin, warm and damp with sweat and piss, and the slippery texture of her vulva. There was no question of holding his breath now. He sucked in lungful after lungful of the Voodoo Lady’s scent, letting the mind-blowing odor saturate his nostrils.

Guybrush licked up her juices and swallowed. The Voodoo Lady’s vaginal fluids were thicker than Sally’s, although not so plentiful. Swallowing them gave her power over him? The Voodoo Lady already had power over him. All she needed to do was ask, and he’d eat her out any time. Sorry Sally, thought Guybrush, you don’t have the most delicious pussy on Mêlée Island. The smell of urine took the Voodoo Lady’s pussy odor to another level.

It was hard to tell how much time had passed. Hard to think at all, really, down on the floor between the Voodoo Lady’s fat legs. It had to be a fairly long time because he could feel the tiredness in his tongue, but Sally’s training had served him well. Guybrush shifted his position to distribute the work to different muscles. He was licking the Voodoo Lady’s clit directly now, stimulating her with vigorous tongue movement. He could hear her breathing.

Guybrush kept his attention on the Voodoo Lady’s clit. Her thighs quivered and her belly squashed against his forehead. Guybrush licked with steady rhythm. Her voice rang out with unexpected volume.

“It is as I saw!”

He licked hard and fast.

“Spirits, aid his tongue!”

All traces of tiredness vanished from Guybrush. He licked like his tongue was gliding over ice, but the Voodoo Lady’s pussy felt hot. The air itself seemed to be glowing green, even with his eyes closed. He remembered Sally’s fourth commandment. Don’t stop.

The Voodoo Lady breathed hard, and strong muscles contracted beneath her fat. Guybrush flicked his tongue over her swollen clit, sucking it gently between his lips. The mysterious glow was almost blinding. He gave a last few strong licks, then felt the Voodoo Lady’s hands on his head. Behind his closed eyelids was only darkness.

“Enough!”

Guybrush looked up at her. Her eyes were closed, and her chest was heaving, her enormous breasts moving up and down with each breath. Her dress fell back down to cover her pussy. She opened her eyes and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Guybrush,” she said, her voice already steady, “you have a wonderful talent. My vision was true, and I thank you. Sally was very lucky, and it seems I am lucky too. You are certainly welcome to do that again.”

“Thank you, Miss Voodoo Lady!” said Guybrush, licking his lips.

“You don’t need to be so formal. Please, call me Helen. But first, I have not forgotten why you came here. Something to help you fuck Sally. It is my professional opinion that the problem will solve itself given time, but I can understand your point of view. I have something that can keep you hard. For you, no charge. Come with me.”

Helen returned to the main room of her shop. She searched though the jars and boxes, and found a little red cloth bag, and a shriveled brown plant root, no bigger than his thumb. She handed him the bag, then pulled her dress up with the same hand which held the root. She reached down with the other hand to slip a finger inside her pussy.

“Bodily fluids have power, and these you have brought out yourself have extra power.” She rubbed her sticky finger all over the root, smearing a thin coating of vaginal fluids over it. “Here, take it.” Guybrush did so. “Put it in the bag, and tie it closed, and pin the bag to the inside of your pants so it touches your skin. Here is a safety pin.”

Guybrush took the safety pin too, and wore the bag as instructed, pinned to a pocket so it couldn’t be seen from the outside.

“The magic should start to take effect tomorrow,” said Helen. “And now, you must leave me. I have work to do.”

He did feel a little disappointed by that, but realistically, he knew any attempt to take things further would only lead to disappointment. His own hand would never let him down. “Thank you!” said Guybrush once more, as he walked out the shop door. He was still no pirate, but his life was getting back on track. Tomorrow would be a good day.


	3. Mighty Pirate

Guybrush had spent a pleasant morning with Sally. She hadn’t bathed since their first evening together, and her body odor was getting deliciously strong. He hadn’t worked up the nerve to ask her to skip wiping her pussy after she peed, but it had tasted wonderful anyway. The only problem was his voodoo magic. Despite all their efforts, he was still a virgin.

Sally had been understanding, but it didn’t make it easier. He’d decided to call on Helen again and ask what was wrong with the magic. Sally had suggested he invite Helen back to her place, because they hadn’t seen each other for some time. He’d agreed to do so.

So, after the long walk back through the forest, Guybrush was in the village again, calling on the House of Mojo. Despite licking her pussy the day before, he still found Helen intimidating. All that voodoo stuff looked dangerous. But she hugged him, and spoke kindly to him, and he was soon feeling more at ease. It was clear from the way she smelled that she still hadn’t washed either, and Guybrush almost offered to go down on her again right then, but he stuck to his plan and explained his problem.

“I just don’t know what’s wrong with it,” said Guybrush. “I felt sure it was going to stay hard that time, but right as I tried to put it in it went soft again. Are you sure the magic is working?”

“Guybrush,” said Helen, “you must have patience. The magic is working. You have not yet worn it a full day. You must temper your expectations.”

“But can’t you make it more powerful?”

“Too much power can be harmful.”

“Can you make it more powerful without making it harmful?”

“Well… I suppose I can make it a little more powerful. Let’s take a walk together. There is a certain flower with magical uses.”

“That reminds me,” said Guybrush. “Sally wanted you to visit. If you’ve got the time, how about we walk to her place together?”

“An excellent idea,” said the Helen. “There’s not much custom at this time of day.”

Helen closed up shop, and led Guybrush through the narrow back streets. They rounded a corner and approached a weathered old crate, empty and abandoned.

“You smell something?” asked Helen.

Guybrush sniffed the air, and looked around. Down beside the crate the cobblestones were glistening dark and wet. He could see a pale yellow tint where the liquid pooled against the wall. Yeah, that was piss all right.

“Yours?” asked Guybrush.

“I’ll give you two guesses,” said Helen.

“My guess is you pissed here.”

“You got it in one.”

Guybrush wasn’t sure if it was the voodoo charm making his cock swell, or just the thought of Helen squatting and relieving herself. The puddle of urine was shaded by the wall, but the sun was rising, and the sky was clear. She must have pissed there that very morning.

“What are you thinking about, Guybrush?” asked Helen.

“I was, uh… Hey! Are you reading my mind?”

“No,” laughed Helen. “I’m just looking at your crotch. You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“Mfrnkf!” Why did words have to fail him now? And more to the point, why did the thought of an overweight middle-aged woman pissing in the street turn him on? Helen was toying with him.

“Guybrush,” she said, “you want to watch me pee? I’ll let you lick me clean…”

“Jeepers, Miss Voodoo Lady, uh, I mean Helen, you’re a real perv,” said Guybrush.

“That makes two of us,” said Helen. “Guybrush, I’m not wearing any panties. Look.” She pulled up her dress, exposing her fat thighs, then her hairy pussy.

“I’d like to watch,” said Guybrush.

“I have something else planned, so just a little.” Helen squatted down, her back to the wall. A jet of pale urine sprayed messily from her pussy, splashing on the cobblestones and mixing with her earlier puddle. True to her word, Helen quickly cut it off, and the stream veered wildly to the side for a moment before stopping. She stood up, pee dripping down her thigh. “Hurry up, Guybrush,” she said. “I don’t want piss in my shoe.”

Did she really mean…? The thin trickle of urine was already near her knee. He hadn’t actually agreed to lick it up, and he’d die of embarrassment if anybody saw, but… Acting on impulse, Guybrush crouched low by Helen’s feet, and licked her leg.

Compared to the salty taste of the dried sweat on her skin, the taste of Helen’s piss was surprisingly mild. Guybrush licked his way up, catching it all on his tongue: one smooth lick along her inner thigh and all the way to the source. With his forehead pressed into her belly fat, Guybrush sucked the remaining droplets of urine from her pussy lips. The smell was, as expected, absolutely incredible. It had been six days yesterday, so today would be a whole week without washing. He craned his neck and licked some more, before remembering where he was. He hurriedly stood up.

“You sure you got it all?” asked Helen.

“I…” Once again, words failed him. At least Helen looked happy.

“Come on Guybrush,” she said, taking his hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

* * * * *

The forest was bright and cheerful in the daylight. It was also riddled with the kind of maze-like paths you could get lost in, but Guybrush had spent too long exploring for that to be a threat. Helen walked ahead of him, and she also seemed to know where she was going, although she wasn’t taking the most direct route to Sally’s place.

She stopped and pointed out a clump of yellow flowers. “The yellow ones are only useful if you’re a poodle with trouble sleeping. No, it’s the red ones I’m looking for.” They continued walking, and soon reached another bunch of flowers growing in the middle of the path, their petals a vivid red. “There.”

“What do they do?” asked Guybrush.

“They have a stimulant effect, if you know what I mean.”

“Boner magic?”

“Yes,” laughed Helen. “But in their natural state the effect is weak. I know how to enhance it.”

“How?”

“Like this. You may want to stand back.” Helen pulled her dress up again, and squatted over the flowers. Once again, Guybrush had a clear view as urine gushed from her pussy and splashed over the flowers, glittering like diamonds in the sunlight. Her thick stream bent the flowers with its force, and ran out onto the path where it darkened the bare earth. Guybrush stepped back as the piss flowed toward him, foaming and splashing before soaking into the ground. She shifted position to drench every one of the flowers, and then her stream slowed to a halt. Helen bounced up and down, setting her flab jiggling as the last droplets fell onto the flowers. She stood up.

“Pick one,” said Helen.

Guybrush wasn’t sure why, but the red flowers seemed to have taken effect already. It was more convenient than attributing it to Helen’s shameless performance. He plucked a large and especially wet flower from the bunch, getting urine all over his fingers. Oh, who was he trying to fool? He’d thoroughly enjoyed watching Helen pee. His only regret was that she hadn’t asked him to lick her clean this time.

“What now?” asked Guybrush.

“Suck it.”

Was that really Voodoo magic, or just Helen having fun with him? The look on her face made Guybrush suspect the latter, but that wasn’t going to stop him. Holding it by the stem, he put the flower in his mouth and sucked. The taste really wasn’t so bad. Helen was well hydrated, and the flower had a pleasant sweet taste to it. He swallowed, then took the flower out of his mouth.

“I’m not sure this is real voodoo,” said Guybrush.

“You’re hard, are you not?”

“Yes, but I think you could do that to me without magic. What exactly does swallowing your piss do to me?”

“Voodoo magic.”

“I’d like to know what that magic can do. Like, I never had any success with women, but I somehow ended up licking Sally’s pussy within half an hour of meeting her. Was that really your doing?”

“Guybrush,” said Helen, “my power is both more subtle and stronger than you might imagine. I do not force anything to happen. But this world is full of people who are sexually compatible, yet under normal circumstances would never meet. My magic gives them a little nudge, contriving meetings where nature would have them remain strangers.”

“And sucking that flower made it work better?”

“No. It only gave me the potential to make it work better. Or,” she said with a wicked grin, “it will let me give you the most horrible curse.”

“Okay,” said Guybrush, “I’d like to be cursed with popularity. Hordes of hot babes all begging to have sex with me wherever I go! That would be a most horrible curse, right?”

“It would not.”

“But what if I was busy pirating? Just think how annoying it would be if they’re like ‘Oh, Guybrush, you’re so sexy, let’s do it right now’ while I’m trying to load the treasure into my ship.”

“Guybrush,” said Helen, “I think you are misunderstanding the word ‘curse.’ ”

“And curse me with wealth! Think of all that heavy treasure weighing me down. What a drag, having to walk about with pockets full of gold!”

“No.”

“Oh, come on, curse me just a little bit. Please!”

“Well, if you insist. But a curse is a curse, and you might live to regret it.”

“I’m a mighty pirate! I regret nothing!”

“I’ll have to piss on your face.”

“I’d let you do that even if it wasn’t for voodoo!”

“I’m sure you would Guybrush,” said Helen through barely suppressed laughter, “I’m sure you would. Watch where you’re going.” They crossed over the bridge toward Sally’s house.

* * * * *

The three of them finished their drinks, and Guybrush mostly listened while Helen and Sally chatted. The conversation was gradually becoming more and more sexual.

“So, Guybrush,” asked Helen, “which of us two tastes best?”

“I can’t answer that!” said Guybrush.

“Okay then,” asked Sally, “which of us do you most want to fuck?”

It was really most unfair. “I… uh…”

“Guybrush,” said Helen, “I’ll make the decision for you. I’m not using any contraceptive voodoo, and I’m pretty sure I’m still young enough to get knocked up, which would be very bad for business. No, you only get to use your tongue on me. I’ll let Sally take your virginity.”

“You think you’ll get it up this time, Guybrush?” asked Sally.

“I think so,” said Guybrush.

“I’m sure he will,” said Helen. “I have foreseen it. I have a flawless technique to make it so.”

“And what’s that?” asked Sally.

“Sally,” said Helen, “isn’t your bladder getting kind of full?”

“You’re a real perv,” she replied.

“Aren’t we all? Guybrush, you don’t mind Sally pissing on you, do you?”

Was it voodoo magic making things escalate so quickly, or just two women who were as horny as he was? “Please do,” said Guybrush.

* * * * *

Guybrush was lying on the grass in Sally’s backyard, completely naked. The two women were bottomless, hairy pussies on display. The sun was high in the sky, so he wasn’t too cold, and he could hear the stream flowing down to the sea nearby.

“Okay,” said Helen, “squat over his face.”

Sally stepped over, facing toward him. She bent her knees until her pubic hair touched Guybrush’s nose. “Guybrush,” she called down, “you know what to do.”

Guybrush put his hands on her hips and pulled her down on top of him. Sally’s pussy smelled better than ever. He extended his tongue and began eating her out just the way she liked it.

“See, he’s hard already,” said Helen.

“I’m not ready yet,” said Sally. She adjusted her position to give Guybrush better access to her pussy. He kept licking.

Sally was getting wet, and her pussy juices began to drip over Guybrush’s face. Helen had explained that this was just as good as swallowing. It was a good thing too, because Sally’s lessons were clear in his mind, and no matter how wet she got he wasn’t going to stop licking her clit.

“Ah, Guybrush,” gasped Sally, “I’m going to pee now.”

He didn’t stop licking, and he felt the flood of warm urine flowing over his face. He could smell it, taste it, sharp and bitter in his mouth. Sally pulled up from him and sprayed her piss all over his face, splashing erratically and letting it drip down past his ears to soak into the ground beneath him. He opened his mouth to let her piss in it.

Guybrush gulped down a mouthful of urine. It was more concentrated than Helen’s, but the taste wasn’t so bad, and his cock was harder than he’d imagined possible. He kept his eyes closed as Sally pissed all over his face, and opened his mouth to swallow some more.

The warm wetness spread over his chest as Sally shuffled back, pissing on him as she went. Guybrush blinked the urine from his eyes to see her reach for his cock. She held it upright as she lowered herself down on him. He felt it touch; he felt it push against her entrance, and in it went. She was still pissing on him. She dropped her hips to take his whole length inside her.

Please stay hard, thought Guybrush, please stay hard. Sally was moving up and down, stimulating his cock with pleasure that surely beat his hand, but the self-doubt was creeping in. Oh, not again, thought Guybrush.

There was no need to worry. Helen was standing over him, then squatting over him, then grinding her unwashed pussy on his face. The smell was so strong that for a moment he forgot all about Sally bouncing on his cock. Guybrush found Helen’s clit and began licking, letting the pungent scent of dirty pussy and fresh urine mingle in his nostrils.

Helen’s fat thighs slapped against Guybrush’s face as she shifted position. All he really had to do was lie there with his tongue out; she was fucking his mouth as hard as Sally was fucking his cock. Both women bounced on top of him, and Guybrush felt more wetness spreading over his face as Helen began to empty her bladder too.

Helen kept pissing, and Sally continued to fuck him. Guybrush swallowed Helen’s urine when he could, but Helen pulled up and pissed wildly all over him, soaking his hair, his chin, his chest. She dropped down again, pressing him to the ground with her sweaty crotch, and rubbed her pubes in the mix of vaginal fluids and piss.

Sally bounced up and down with steady rhythm, squeezing her pussy around him with every thrust. No worries about going soft now. Just the smell was enough to keep him hard. Helen had finished pissing too, and was now almost smothering him as she sat on his face. There was nothing to worry about; _this_ was the best use of his breath-holding talent. He found her clit again and sucked it between his lips.

As much as he wanted the moment to last, the combination of Helen’s pussy on his face and Sally’s pussy on his cock was too much for Guybrush. He tensed his abs, and dug his fingernails into his palms, but the rippled texture of Sally’s vagina pounding up and down was more intense than any act of self-stimulation. His cock twitched like a ghost soaked in root beer and blasted a thick load of cum inside her.

“Oh, finished already?” asked Sally, as she climbed off him.

Guybrush blinked and looked up. Both women were standing and looking down at him, their pussies dripping wet. So this was it. He’d actually _done it_. He was no longer a virgin. The weird thing was, he didn’t feel any different.

“Well, don’t just lie there,” said Helen. “You’re not the only one who needs to cum. Go wash yourself in the stream then get back here and eat us out.”

The cold water brought his thoughts back to reality. Sally had fetched a towel, and led him back inside. Guybrush knew where they were going. He knelt on the floor once more as the two women sat on the bed, legs spread.

“So, Guybrush,” said Helen, “you never did say, which of us tastes best?”

“You know I’m not going to answer that. But I’ll tell you what, if you agree to do some extra powerful voodoo on me, I’ll lick you first.”

Helen’s fat thighs jiggled as she laughed. “You don’t mind, do you, Sally?”

“He’s made me cum so many times already that I figure it’s your turn.”

“Thanks, Sally. Show me what you’ve got, Guybrush.”

He was more than happy to do so.

* * * * *

This time there would be no distractions. The “mighty treasure hunter” thing was a bust, but Guybrush wasn’t giving up on piracy. Besides, this time he was fated to succeed.

Somebody was blocking the path to the docks. A whole lot of people, actually. They were dressed like men, but those hips and breasts told him what was up. To see so many female pirates at once was somewhat of a surprise. The leading woman, the one with the gold buttons on her shirt and the captain’s hat, drew her sword.

“Step aside, coward!” said the woman. She had short brown hair, and wore golden earrings.

“Don’t be silly,” said Guybrush. “I’ve got so much luck that I’ll undoubtedly win, but there’s, what, 22 of you. I don’t have all night.”

The woman spat on the ground. “Nobody underestimates Filthy Fiona, the dirtiest pirate in the Tri-Island Area! Draw your sword!”

“Nah, I just had it sharpened.” He looked at the saliva glistening on the path. “How about a spitting contest?”

“If that’s how you want to humiliate yourself, sure,” said Fiona.

“I’ve got so much voodoo magic I can do anything,” said Guybrush. “But let’s make it interesting. I’m not spitting just for safe passage. What do you wager?”

“Ten thousand pieces of eight,” said Fiona without hesitation.

“Okay,” said Guybrush.

“You don’t even have ten thousand pieces of eight,” said Fiona.

“You got me. I spent it all on my ship.”

“Your ship, then.”

“It’s away for repairs,”

“Bullshit,” said Fiona. “You’re obviously broke. Nice sword though. Let’s wager those.”

“I can’t do that,” said Guybrush. “What kind of a pirate would you be without a sword? Pick something else.”

“His boots!” yelled somebody in the crowd.

“Grog!” yelled another.

“Sexual favors!” yelled a third.

Guybrush turned to face her. It was a pretty young woman with curly black hair, and she was looking confidently back at him. “If you love sucking dick so much,” said Guybrush, “I’ll take you on too.”

“Hold on a moment!” interrupted Fiona. “This is between us captains. You are a captain, aren’t you?”

“That’s right,” said Guybrush.

“And you’ve got a crew?”

“Hundreds of them!”

“I’ll spit for sexual favors. Loser goes down on the winner, _and_ their entire crew.” A great cheer erupted from the crowd.

“Sure,” said Guybrush. “You first.”

Fiona dragged her boot across the path to make a line in the dirt. She leaned back, then whipped her head forward to send saliva arcing through the air. It landed an impressive distance in front of her.

Guybrush took his place at the line. He felt the spit building up in his mouth, and the eyes of the crowd upon him. There was no need to hurry. He swirled the spit in his mouth dramatically, then spun in place and spat behind him.

“Check it out,” said Guybrush. “You ever see somebody lose that hard before?”

Fiona only stared in confusion.

“So, it looks like I get to go down on all of you. I’ve gotta warn you though, I have a horrible voodoo curse. It’s like this: the more I lick pussy the more treasure I find.”

There was a murmur of voices from the crowd. Fiona silenced them with a wave of her hand. “Very funny,” she said. “What’s your name?”

“Guybrush Threepwood.”

“I’m feeling generous tonight, Guybrush. I’ll let you pass.”

“Hey, don’t let me off so easily. I’m serious about that curse. Let me join your crew and I’ll prove it.”

A smile slowly spread across her face. “Guybrush, I’m pretty sure you’re still bullshitting, but it’s been far too long since any of us have gotten laid. If you want to eat pussy so bad, I’ll help you out. And if you sail with us, we’ll split that ‘treasure’ equally. But I’ll warn you too: they don’t call me ‘Filthy Fiona’ for nothing.” She spat on the ground emphatically. “I’m not taking a bath for any man.”

“That true of all of you?” he asked the crowd.

“Yeah!” came the general reply.

“Great,” said Guybrush. “I love dirty pussy. And if you want to get unbelievably rich, you can piss on my face too.”

The voices of the crowd broke into noisy confusion. Fiona grabbed Guybrush by the collar and shoved him against a nearby tree. Her pungent body odor confirmed the appropriateness of her title. “If you’re fucking with us, Guybrush,” she said, “you’re gonna walk the plank. But if not, welcome to my crew. It’s not far to the docks. Come aboard.”

Guybrush looked over the crowd, a mix of ages and races. He knew exactly what he wanted to do to them.

“I’ll do my best to make you all cum aboard,” he said.

The excited chatter of the female pirates filled his ears, and eager hands dragged him toward their ship. Damn, thought Guybrush, voodoo was _awesome_.


End file.
